PRIDE 2021: The Definitive List of Queer Video Game Characters - 2021 Edition

As we all know there can only be ten video games at any one time which verifiably represent queer characters, and so, this Pride Month, we’re presenting the definitive and current version of that list, as delivered on the wings of the angel of love.

1. Tails the Flying Fox Boy - Sonic the Hedgehog

Tails is gay. His friend Sonic didn't understand at first, not because he was homophobic, but, because Sonic just didn't even know what “gay” was or how it worked. Now he understands and is very supportive. 

In case you were wondering, Knuckles already knew but promised not to tell Sonic until Tails was ready and Amy is still kinda weird about it and pretends to forget all the time.

2. Dr. Jonathan E. Reid - Vampyr

The blood ‘specialist’ surgeon from Vampyr, with his trimmed beard and intense gaze (or should that be intense gays? bite me) is, according to consumers, a hot gay. 

Reid remains a favourite on the list. Why? Well, look at him, for some people, this guy does the job. I don’t see it myself, but Reid is definitely there for anyone who's into it. 

I mean, I get it… Its just, y’know… eeeeeeh.

3. Subject Delta - Bioshock

The OG Big Daddy.

Besides, we all know Ayn Rand is a queer icon. Queen. Right?

I would strongly urge you not to mention that his sister looks adopted, he’s very protective.

4. Janice Greenbriar - Gone Home

In the popular video game Gone Home, there’s a secret easter egg that if you’re not quite looking for, you won’t find. It’s actually possible to tell that your mother is indeed bisexual and loving it. Just look at the evidence, throughout the game. What evidence? You might ask. Um, the copy of Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman by the bed maybe?

Look at Janice, right there in the middle. LOVING LIFE!

5. Q*bert - Q*bert

JUST LOOK AT Q*BERT’S HONKING HORN! 

*HONK*

6.  Alan Wake - Alan Wake

Somehow, Mr. Wake is on the list, to everyone’s mild excitement, annoyance or disinterest. How did he get there? Who knows? The thing we do know is that you can't have a list of queer characters without at least one absolute cop. Alan Wake is that cop, and pops up because he’s bisexual and probably great at giving head. 

Everybody knows an Alan. He was that only other gay kid in school and everyone knew he was gay, but you went out of your way not to make sure people knew you weren’t friends because he was a total narc.

7. The Worms - Worms

These little gays are always trying to kill each other in dramatic ways. They’re basically drama kids. 

For the record, all the worms from Worms fucking hate Earthworm Jim… Fuck that guy.

8. Zelda - The Legend of Zelda

This Hyrulian is probably the most famous lesbian in games. Princess Zelda has decades of being a role model of strength, wisdom and a subtle sense of humour, which her protégé Link, another young trans woman, clearly gains confidence from being in proximity to.

Just pals being pals.

9. The Resident Evil Polycule - Resident Evil

A visit to the Spencer Mansion, a lavish property on the edge of Raccoon City owned by Albert Wesker, is a trip to one of the most radical queer communities in games. Wesker hosts a house of people who, though sometimes at odds professionally, are covered by a broad umbrella of passion. He also runs his own clinic where injections of T are in strong supply. 

Regular residents at the property include Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield and Ada Wong, and of course the OG power couple who run around the city together, Leon S. Kennedy and infamous leather daddy Mr X. With the rare, and usually all too brief, appearance of Alcina Dimitrescu on the scene this year, it’s safe to say that this is one group of Residents who’ve been bitten by the love bug. 

(Note: Ethan Winters was invited to the compound at one point but ultimately got into a monogamous marriage, which everyone hopes is going well.)

Resident Evil Re:Verse was originally a dating sim.

10. Everyone - Redfall

A last-minute entry on this list, supplanting the lady from the Everquest box art, Redfall is Arkane’s newly revealed immersive sex sim FPS. There was consternation from some people [Editor’s note: me] who say that gay vampires are already represented on this list with Dr Reid, but most people [author’s note: me] agree that on the scale of 1-10 he’s just ‘some guy’. 

The Redfall cast, humans, vampires and that little bipedal robot pet, however, essentially represent a universe where gay is the default option, and to me, that’s beautiful.
Maybe, just maybe, Arkane has finally managed to write a game that the queers will enjoy?

Me and the gang going clubbing post-lockdown.

Bonus: 

11. Lara Croft - Tomb Raider

Lara Croft is not gay, sorry folks.

Straight as an arrow. All of ‘em.