KillJoy's Vtubing Rollercoaster | Winter Spectacular 2021
*MacBook bursts into flames*
Every journey, big or small, has a beginning.
To be honest with you. I never started streaming with the intention of hitting a view count or any sort of goal. I started because a couple of my friends wanted to watch me play Battlefield and Rainbow Six: Siege. Despite owning a gaming PC I didn’t really understand how computers worked. This was around the time of my first year of university studying games design and this was my first time using something that wasn’t a dinky laptop that would slowly catch fire if it tried to run Terraria. And yes, I know how nuts it was to go from knowing nothing about computing to straight into a video games design course. And after three years still not knowing how computers work. I just wing it all. Anyway, a bit of a tangent.
My first stream was in January 2018. Before that, I had not really touched Twitch, let alone any sort of recording software outside of using Shadowplay to capture short clips and share them on Discords. I grabbed SLOBS (gross, I know) and let the software attempt to auto optimise itself with my whooping 1mb upload speed. That’s right ONE MEGABYTE. I was living in the future!
Here was my first hard-learned lesson. Livestreaming requires good internet. In my case, the upgrade was mainly needed for uni work but the bump my streaming got from this was vital. 5MB baby! From there I started streaming very on and off. We are talking once or twice a month sort of on and off. After all, I just wanted to game man. Streaming was an effort.
Want to know a secret?
Joy is actually a Tachanka main. Shhhhhhh… It’s a secret.
In November 2019, I got a notification informing me I achieved the 50 follower achievement on Twitch, much to my surprise. At this point I didn’t really have folks watching me. The friends that first wanted to watch me were either now playing with me or are busy with their own lives. But I did have the random person pop in here and there. Some folks dropped into the stream while we were in game together playing! And sometimes these folks followed me, it just slowly added up.
This is around the time it really hit me just how communal streaming is. I remember one person popped in my chat after me and my friends wiped his team in Rainbow Six: Siege, and he asked to squad up with us, hoping we would help him get a seasonal reward. He ended up buying me an in-game skin as a thank you!
I still wasn’t streaming often. It was just on and off. Gaming with friends, having some friends pop in and watch, making some new friends in the gaming communities I was streaming. Nothing too wild but still fun!
Let’s make a bit of a difference. Even if it seems small.
June 2020. Covid was running rampant around the UK and the world. My mental health wasn’t doing too great. It didn’t help that I was never really too open about my mental health. I’m still learning to open up a bit more. I had my cat, my friends and my family so that was helping but at the end of the day, we were all stuck inside and it hit all of us in different ways.
Want to know another secret?
KillJoy is a good egg!
I decided to try streaming a bit more consistently. Dude needs a hobby, a focus, a distraction? Mid-July I found an ad on Instagram from the British Red Cross, asking for folks to help raise money for vulnerable people that did not have much support while isolating. The fundraiser was called “Operation Covid 19”. They wanted streamers to stream for 19 hours and to have fun while raising money for a good cause. That was the real spark. My initial goal was £150. But we - me, my friends, this community that had appeared around me - ended up raising £420. I WAS BUZZING! I WAS MOTIVATED!
Editor’s note: This one? Right, buddy?
One week later, I ended up hitting Affiliate on Twitch! I was kind of shocked, to be honest, but happy and even more MOTIVATED! Insert Vergil’s motivated meme here.
I wanted to stream more and more. Which I did. And as I did, I started to invest in streaming more, I ended up commissioning an overlay and everything. I would still describe my schedule as “semi-inconsistent”. I still am to some degree. But I was having fun. Ended up doing another charity stream a bit later, this time for a cat shelter and raised £110 for Cats Protection! When you start to stream you will find that you discover things that motivate you and keep you going. But that goes the other way too.
But then everything started to fall apart around me. Bit dramatic I know. But I’ve never experienced the horrible feeling I had after what happened in late October 2020. Felt like I wouldn’t really be able to bounce back.
Where’d my urge to keep moving forward go? What do I do now?
From semi-antisocial to complete shut-in. From hard worker to hardly working. Early October, I got told I couldn’t work anymore due to immigration documentation issues.
Sometimes crap just hits you from nowhere, y’now?
For someone who pretty much wakes up and is motivated by his work and urge to do something, this was a huge blow. My self-esteem was pretty much crushed. I spent my days with worries about what I was going to do for myself and my family and how I was going to find another job during a pandemic rattling around in my head. It was a massive weight. One that pressed me down and didn’t budge. I shut myself off from my friends and everyone I knew. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I was sleeping all day every day. It was horrible. My social life was gone. I wasn’t the most social person before this, but after it, I could barely talk to friends in a Discord text chat. Let alone meet up or even join a voice call. Streaming was not possible anymore. I couldn’t look at myself in the webcam preview.
Friends to the rescue... and a random interaction with a Witch Doctor.
Skipping to the end of November I was worrying about funds running low and reached out to some friends. They helped me out. And I love them to bits for it and for bringing me out of my hole. I started talking to folks again a bit more because they told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of what happened. It was something out of my control. I tried my best to get better. I’m still recovering from pretty much losing my social self. It's difficult but it’s getting there.
Then I saw someone on a server I was moderating. Someone that used an interesting black and white avatar instead of a webcam. One that tracked their movement and what they said. They looked super cool and I reached out to them.
“Hi! Hope I ain't bothering you with the nudge. Was wondering if I could get some info on getting into the whole vtubing side of twitch? I normally use a webcam but I’m starting to feeling awkward with it on. But I don’t wanna fully turn it off cause of the interaction I get with folks. Was wondering if you had any advice for getting into it?”
That was my first message to this complete stranger who I have never gamed with or chatted with beforehand. They were my first friend in the vtubing community and still my closest. Thank you, Addled Doctor, for what you helped get started and for bringing back some of my confidence and drive. You mean a lot to me. Even if I can’t express it properly. Words are hard.
A tease for the future…
It took a while to set it all up but skip to December and one of my friends got me a 3D model made. NOW I AM A GOOFY ANIME BOY! And I’m back onto Twitch! Streaming two to three times a week. Messing around and enjoying my time. Slowly building back up my social battery, gaining confidence and making more friends along the way!
Touch the Untouchable. Break the Unbreakable. Raw! Raw! Fight the Power!
“Yo. So, I’ve noticed you’re a fan of Gurren Lagann. I am too.”
That was the first time I interacted with the most compelling person I’ve ever met. I started watching Papi near the end of December and I was blown away. The dude’s motivation and drive for his work and his love for streaming was mind blowing infectious even!. I was there for pretty much every stream I could be . And having him message me first to talk about an anime I was watching at the time. I was shocked and happy. From there, we became good friends really quickly.
Papi has pushed me to do better and helped me dive back into video editing - a hobby I had fallen off of years back. I really started to fall in love with it again, and I even edited some of his music videos! I appreciate him so much and I am grateful to him for pushing me to do better and just have fun with things. Because of him I’m able to be a bit more open and joke around more. Thanks bud. I’ve said it many times before. But thank you so much for what you’ve done for me and thank you for being such a huge inspiration and motivation!
POWER. OF. FRIENDSHIP.
Our team will be the team that wrecks Twitch!
It’s April, I’m playing Dead Island with a slime, a lich and a bugbear. Who would have thought that could ever happen? Anyway, the lich says, “I wanna start my own team.”
Skip to May, The Wrecking Crew has just smashed through Twitch’s and Twitter’s door and demanded everyone’s attention! 11 amazing content creators all under one team name. And I was in the driver’s seat of its social media. The shitposting quickly began and has not stopped since. Of course, it wasn’t all shitposting. The team was founded around the idea of motivating each other, being uplifting and making a difference. And lord did we make a bang recently.
I am here.
So, I’m sat here, sleepy after work. It’s 1am. I told myself I would write some of this piece, go to bed and finish it another day. But, once again, I have found my motivation. I often find myself losing track of time like this when I’m working on stream related stuff. And I am not complaining. I’m super happy and grateful. This hobby has kept me motivated, happy and has built up a bit of my confidence again. I have far to go but I am taking my time and enjoying the ride.
The team is now 44 members strong. We finished our first charity event on November 5th and raised $42,069 for The Trevor Project. I’m so proud of the team and I feel blessed to be part of it.
Now Capcom announce Dragon’s Dogma 2 and you will really make Joy’s year.
It’s been over a year since I lost my previous job. I’m now working in a place that I’m very happy with and I am more motivated than I have ever been. All thanks to streaming and the journey it has taken me on. I am far from being a big content creator but I genuinely don’t care. I’m surrounded by the friends I’ve made along the way and I get to enjoy their company on and off of Twitch. I’ve helped to make a difference for people a lot less fortunate than me.
Thank you again to all my friends who have helped me through all of this. You all know who you are. I love you all to bits. Thank you for reading and thank you Ollie for reaching out and asking me to do this! Everyone stay awesome. Do what you feel like you want to do. And keep good company around you.
