Completionism, Disillusionment and Enjoying Video Games

There are dozens of YouTube channels and seemingly hundreds of websites dedicated to answering every gaming question imaginable. How to find that elusive collectable, pop that elusive achievement or unlock the coveted Platinum Trophy. And for years I’ve never really thought of myself as someone who looks to collect everything while playing through a game: I’d much rather take the time to immerse myself in the story and research stuff later if need be. Even then I’d always felt that a game’s core narrative was often enough of its own reward without the urge to go achievement hunting.

Who could say no to helping these cheeky murder-assassins cleaning up the mean streets of London.

And then, after months of trying, I 100%-ed my favourite game of all time, Assassin’s Creed Syndicate. I got my first Platinum Trophy. And suddenly, it all changed. 

And with university work finished until September, and my list of games to finish growing by the day, I decided to see how many Platinum trophies I could acquire during lockdown. I really enjoyed it initially; the thrill of seeing that list of trophies to collect growing smaller and smaller, connecting with fanbases and being introduced to new playstyles and mechanics I’d never considered using before. 

NEED. SHINY. VIRTUAL. SYMBOLS. OF. ACCOMPLISHMENT.

In this mode of social distancing, I found a new connection to fans of my favourite games and it motivated me to work at their trophies even more. I made new friends, and I thrived on the conversations I was having on Twitter and Discord, giving recommendations for titles to try and receiving recommendations in return (this is why the list of games in my backlog just keeps growing and growing). It was a great feeling, being able to gain these connections despite being isolated from everyone and it encouraged me to keep going. 

But something changed. 

I don’t know the exact moment when it did, I just turned on my PS4 one morning, set to get another trophy in 11-11 Memories Retold and I just couldn’t find it within myself to move further than that. Almost like an invisible barrier was holding me back from going any further, and the more I tried to fight it, the more that I found myself resisting and wanting to do something else. Anything but look up a guide or read another trophy description. 

There have been periods of time where I undoubtedly play more video games than others during the year - we all go through periods like this, typically around the release of major titles. I went through one right after EGX, where I played through so many of my unfinished games, poured myself into a Dungeons and Dragons campaign at university, while also trying new titles like Yes, Your Grace for the first time. 

It might have been perfectionism seeping through into my hobby (and hopefully future career). Maybe it’s just me being far too critical of myself paired with a desire to have a shared experience, especially when so many people have taken to try streaming during the lockdown. Or it could possibly be this desire to appear ‘productive’ while others seem to have no issue churning out content as if nothing was wrong at the moment. I don’t know, but for a while there I felt I had to go above and beyond to truly finish a game.

Even if I don’t get to the end of the list, and if I have to abandon DLCs or beloved titles when they made me uncomfortable or burn me out, the connections with people that I’ve made during this time is something that I get to keep with me. And that connection lasts longer than the feeling I got for completing *that* particular trophy list. 

I might only currently sit on two completed Platinum lists since the beginning of the lockdown, but I can see the amount of progress I’ve made in numerous other games, trying titles that I normally wouldn’t give a second glance. 

Staying awake, doing good!

But over the 20th and 21st of June 2020, I helped organise and participate in a 24 hour charity gaming marathon with my university magazine, which also coincided with my first time streaming on Twitch. And miraculously, that spark that I had not been feeling for months was back. I powered through four hours streaming Valiant Hearts and Assassin’s Creed Syndicate at frankly ungodly hours, finishing my run at 5am with fulfilling conversations, a passion to do streaming again, and already over a quarter of the way to Affiliate. 

Perhaps this just needed something new in my gaming repertoire to spice things up; maybe I just needed to show my love of games in a different way. Now I know, from the feedback I got from people who tuned in to watch, I could do this again. 

…Anyway despite getting my gaming spark back, I find it delightfully ironic that I struggled to finish writing this article about completionism and gamer burnout, whilst also wanting to be more productive than ever.