Overcoming My Final Fantasy XIV Multiplayer Anxiety At PAX East

Playing games with others has never really been my thing. In a world where online multiplayer dominates much of the game market, it has continued to be something I shy away from. Sure, I probably conditioned myself to be a single-player person with the JPRGs on PS1 I obsessed over in my youth, but there is more to it. There is a sense of dread that has always come over me when playing with others, especially in a team aspect, that I will let everyone down. This multiplayer anxiety had me shy away from all the cornerstone first-person shooters that have been the talk of the town for the past decade. These games are unfortunately also the only thing any of my friends play. It’s always been “Yeah maybe I’ll get into COD” when I know there is no chance it’s going to happen. So when I found something adjacent enough to the JPGs that I could play mostly single-player, and hope for the best in multiplayer scenarios I jumped. That game was, of course, the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV. And this past weekend at PAX East I finally may be overcoming that multiplayer anxiety because of Final Fantasy XIV and its wonderful community (and I got a free shirt!).

My first PAX took place in The Before Times of February 2019. It was there by my lonesome on a Sunday morning when I jumped in line for the New Player Experience for Final Fantasy XIV. How could I not? The booth promoting the soon-to-be-released expansion Shadowbringers was incredibly impressive for someone attending their first convention. As I approached the front, I was asked what role I wanted to play. My knowledge of MMOs was extremely limited, but I recalled a Kotaku article about getting into Final Fantasy XIV and that tank was something I may want to try. The other three members of the group, all of which had played the game, encouraged me on and took on the DPS and healer roles. Now I had played games exclusively on console for a good portion of my life, but braved my way through the demo using WASD and the hotbar the best I could as we vanquished our foe Ifrit. Looking back now, I was certainly carried through this, but my party members were nothing but encouraging and congratulatory throughout.

Weeks after that PAX the world shut down and the current pandemic began. With everyone home, I saw my opportunity to jump in. I even convinced my friend to try Final Fantasy XIV with me. We both chose Gladiator, which probably was a silly move both being tanks. This silly move did not matter as my friend did not last more than five hours of fetch quests  before he decided MMOs weren’t for him. Mentioning that “I heard it gets really good after about 60 hours” did not encourage them to keep trying. I was again alone playing games, confronted with the truth that I would need to try and make friends in-game should I want to have a solid group to play with. Throughout my early dungeons and trials, I came across some very nice people, but was too scared to ask anyone about joining up beyond the game’s automatic matchmaking, and ignored any calls for joining any free companies, the game’s version of player-made communities that can engage in content together. Then it happened. Running as a Gladiator in the dungeon Haukke Manor I was told by a party member “Sorry you can’t keep up.” The feeling of inferiority hit me like a ton of bricks. All the anxiety of playing with others that had been finally put aside came rushing back, and I logged out. I wasn’t going to let down my team anymore, even if I didn’t know them.

While I was done with Final Fantasy XIV it, apparently, was not done with me. It seemed like most of my favourite people in the industry were determined to not stop talking about the game. I’d turn on the terribly missed 99 Potions and heard the cast rave about the game’s incredible story. Anytime, writer and hype master, Michael Higham was on a podcast he would confess his love for the game and how it could be played mostly as a single-player experience. My desire to check it out one more time grew and grew. It was after hearing Mike Minotti on Games Mess Decides (then Gamesbeat Decides) share a recommendation of “just choose a ranged DPS to start” that I thought, “Okay what the heck. I can give this another shot” Now with my recently acquired PC I opened the Steam store and downloaded Final Fantasy XIV and purchased the expansions up through Shadowbringers so I was pot committed.

And yeah, I played the game. I played it all the way through Endwalker and most of the patch content. As a Summoner main I found a place where I felt comfortable and could help. My one-time negative experience that stopped my previous playthrough never occurred again and everyone I encountered when forced to play with others was truly wonderful. But I still was way too anxious to engage with anyone beyond the duties that any given quest requires, and I certainly wasn’t going to make any friends.

At that first PAX in 2019, there were many folks walking around with their crowning achievements of beating Ruby Weapon on their T-shirts. This would be the alternative challenge to the New Beginner Experience that occurred for Final Fantasy XIV that year. It seemed like something that was completely unattainable. As I came down the escalator at PAX East 2024 and saw the displays for Final Fantasy XIV Dawntrail I was overcome with a new feeling. This new feeling was a confidence that I was going to get whatever T-shirt there was for this year’s Battle Challenge. The only issue was I was again alone at PAX East, and the battle challenge required eight.

It was communicated that parties of eight should be formed in line, or if there are smaller parties they can be combined at the end. The chatter amongst those waiting to beat our impending foe Asura began almost immediately. Many people had come to PAX with a friend (or two) who they had been playing with for years. The anxiety was starting to creep in as roles and strategies began to be thrown around in line. It seemed like any second I could be left out if I didn’t make my move. Now or never I suppose. “Hey what are you looking for? Do you need a Summoner?” Hoping my Boston accent didn’t come out too much (Sum Mah Nah). What transpired was exactly the opposite of all my fears. “Oh yeah we actually need a ranged DPS!” was communicated back to me. Within minutes we had our party. We were ready to take down Asura! The only problem was the line was about 90 minutes longer.

Now I’ve played all the main story content of Final Fantasy XIV and most of the raids, however, I’m not doing the high-skill Savage raids, and it immediately was apparent that I may be a bit out of my league. The fear of letting down the team was on the cusp of returning. Luckily, I was continually assured “Oh don’t worry you’ll be fine!” and “Hey we got this!” The community and its welcoming reputation were on display to me in person. Everyone just wanted me to feel comfortable and do my best. They weren’t worried about me blowing it for them. They just wanted us to have fun and do our best. And because of that I relaxed and opened up a bit. For the rest of the wait we all talked, and not just about the game we all love, but our lives outside of the game. The idea of multiplayer communities being this walled garden I wouldn’t be able to enter completely evaporated. These are all people just like me. They have families and bills and hobbies just like I do. I finally felt as though the pedestal I had held multiplayer communities on, and the anxiety around that was finally gone. And it was our turn to face Asura so I couldn’t worry about that anyway.

Did we get our T-shirts? 

Of course we did, albeit by the skin of our teeth. Warning some FFXIV MMO lingo ahead. Now I’m still an anxious person and panicked a bit setting up my character. My hotbars were a mess. I was bleeding damage throughout the fight. We wiped our first two attempts. The six-part attack Asura killed me multiple times. I tried my best not to yell the curse words too much but there is only so much I can do on that front. We had one member doing callouts, which was my first time experiencing this and it was extremely helpful. On our third attempt our Melee DPS used LB3 and Asura was almost down. A quick six-part attack and raid-wide damage took everyone out except our tank. We all started screaming “Come on tank!” It was fucking exhilarating (. Our Tank finished Asura off and we let out a jubilant roar. As we gathered our T-shirts confirming our victory we all congratulated each other and went our separate ways. One thing was clear though. This was it. This is why people play games together. The group experience of being together and accomplishing a challenge is truly special.

Have I come home and immediately formed friends to play with in Final Fantasy XIV? Nope.  But I know I will! The anxieties that plagued me and kept me from multiplayer games aren’t there anymore. I know out there right now there are a bunch of people playing Final Fantasy XIV, or any other game for that matter, just like me looking to have fun together and accomplish those bigger challenges together, whether it's for a T-shirt, or for the excited “Let’s Go!” you get to yell when you win.