Jess Thomas Reflects On The Impact Of Narrative In A Memoir Blue | Winter Spectacular 2024
Sometimes a video game will come along and ultimately change the way you see the world around you and more importantly, how you see yourself. With not a single line of dialogue spoken, A Memoir Blue from Cloisters Interactive impacted me much more than I could ever have imagined.
Video games are pretty magic, right? They transport us to other worlds, plant us in the shoes of various characters, and give us the opportunity to experience some often much-needed escapism. Admittedly, I bought A Memoir Blue on a bit of a whim as I was looking through games with quick-ish platinum trophies. That’s why it was such a surprise that after just a brief hour or so playthrough of this interactive novel, it left such an impression on me and stayed at the forefront of my mind for a good while after.
In A Memoir Blue, you play as Miriam, a champion swimmer and upon hearing a particular song on the radio you find yourself transported back to her childhood. This is where the game invites you to dive in (pun fully intended) and embark on this tale via a dream. Replaying key moments in her life, Miriam’s younger self must push through these instances in order to reach her next significant age memory and come to the conclusion of the present day.
As soon as I saw the swimming medals adjourned on Miriam’s mantlepiece before I was carried into her mind, a wave (another swimming pun fully intended) of nostalgia flooded (I’ll stop now) over me as I looked back into my own childhood. Maybe a fun little fact about me, but I was an avid swimmer growing up, competing in many competitive events for my school, and at one point there were talks of me going in for Olympic training. Pretty cool.
Much like Miriam, I instantly related to the struggles of being a child who had a lot of eyes on them. From parents and family to coaches, and everyone in between, this part of my childhood meant I felt a lot of pressure to always be performative and at the top of my game, much like A Memoir Blue portrays for Miriam. As the narrative advances and you progress through each dream chapter, it’s clear to see the effect this ‘fame’ has on the protagonist, and with it my connection and sympathy towards Miriam continued to grow stronger.
I don’t want to spoil much more about the story as I’d recommend you check out this wonderful little game yourself, but as the recital came to a close and the credits rolled, I too was mentally hauled back to my own times growing up and the times I spent attempting to be the very best I could, most often in quite an obsessive ‘I have to succeed’ kind of way. This obsession took this love I once had for swimming away from me and something I once adored to do every once in a while now just felt like a necessary chore, one I couldn’t escape from. I’m in my 30s now, and I haven’t swam competitively for 20-odd years, but playing A Memoir Blue helped me feel seen in ways I didn’t realise I needed. Trying to always win and keep others happy at the expense of your own feelings isn’t worth it. I remember the fear and worry I had when I finally came forward and said the competitor life wasn’t for me anymore after many years, but it was a step I had to take in order to put myself first.
It’s quite a niche situation I suppose, where my childhood love and enjoyment of swimming as a hobby quickly turned into an all-consuming obsession of needing to be the best at all times, and I didn’t really realise how much this mindset followed me into my adulthood until I played A Memoir Blue. This isn’t intended as a journal entry so there’s no need for me to delve into this too much, but people-pleasing is quite a difficult habit to shake, and it wasn’t until I saw Miriam’s story unfold right in front of me, that many of my own memories came rushing back and I remembered a lot of things I seemingly pushed aside or just tried to forget that I am now working through in my own time. Sure, the ‘fame’ was cool and the attention I received was stellar, but it made me feel a sense of dread and loneliness, which just never felt right. How can I be doing all these amazing things and winning, and yet still feel so isolated?
Ultimately, navigating my own emotions will never be completed, as there is always room to learn, to grow, and to harness these feelings in a healthier way, but to having a game with no spoken words and just pure storytelling-level design allowed me to tap into my own mind and into again a very niche situation that I hadn’t really spoken out loud about much as I felt silly doing so, made me feel so validated. If a circumstance isn’t sitting right with you, and you want to handle things differently where you put yourself first and not bend to peer pressures, you’re well within your right to do so, and I am thankful for A Memoir Blue for helping me tap into my own thoughts and feel justified in feeling the way I did back then.
