Pumpkin Spice 2021 | House of The Dead Is The Perfect Horror Game For Cowards Like Me

Spooky season is upon us and it’s gotten me thinking about how many good horror games there are that I’m too afraid to play. The idea of scary games intrigues me, but when it comes to playing them I get to the first jumpscare and that’s the end of it for me. However, The House Of The Dead is one of the very few horror games that I can play and I think other scared horror fans will absolutely love it too.

Like a warm cup of coco…

Before I start singing its praises, I should give a shout-out to the version that was ported to the Nintendo Wii that I had. It was designed to mimic the arcade versions I grew up with where you moved your plastic gun (controller) off of the screen out of reach of the sensor bar to reload. It was a fantastic way of bringing the kinaesthetic arcade experience into your own home. My love of this game may come from the warm nostalgia blanket that I get wrapped up in whenever I play it, but even without the childhood memories, it’s a game series you should all try this Halloween.

As a self-proclaimed scaredy-cat, I can honestly say this is as far into a scary game as I will ever get. I’ve found one I can play and I'm going to stick to it. But, in comparison with modern horror games, is The House Of The Dead actually that terrifying?

My conclusion: No, no it’s not.

If you look at games like Days Gone, those zombies fall into the haunt-your-dreams-about-surviving-the-end-of-the-world category, but when you look at The House Of The Dead the zombies are comical. One particular zombie that sticks in my memory is the rather large and oval one that wears an apron, then walks very slowly towards you with a cleaver. Under normal circumstances, this could be horrible to come up against, hell the Butcher’s in Dark Souls were basically this and were scary as hell.  However, the facial expressions and blocky early 2000s graphics make these zombies no more terrifying than Goombas from Super Mario. When that chef zombie is heading straight for you, especially on modern TV screens, it becomes even more amusing because they look like a gigantic polygonal blur. There's even a surrealist beauty in it if you squint. 

Smeared pixels and blurry textures have never been so terrifying…

Even the odd creatures that try to jumpscare you from seemingly another dimension - because they definitely were not there the first time you went through an area - are mostly amusing with only a small dash of scary. Their lack of spook-factor could come from the fact that the weapons you have feel immensely powerful against most foes - their vulnerability makes them less scary. The weapons you’re provided with seem to have been carefully curated to be the classic zombie-apocalypse weapons, ones that would be carried by the mysterious hero wearing a cowboy hat and a long coat. They’re extremely overpowered compared to modern games but when you’re not big on being scared like I am, you can let this slide.

I hate to sound rude but… Are you sure you are a zombie?
Not another kind of monster?
Maybe a lizard-man?
Or a Super-Sega-Mutant?

That being said, them being comical only adds to the fun I have blasting them. The House Of The Dead does such an amazing job of making you feel like the ultimate hero. Every zombie or creature you blast back to Hell makes you feel as though you have single-handedly saved the entire world. That’s one of the reasons I believe The House Of The Dead is the best game for someone who isn’t totally into being scared witless. Each time a new enemy appears you get a bit of intimidating music and a dramatic mini cutscene where the baddie makes their entrance. There is something about this combination that makes you even more eager to continue on your journey as the saviour of the world. You have met this imposing monster… Now you get to exterminate it!

Another bonus of The House Of The Dead is that being in a bad mood in real life can benefit you in the game. Honestly, if you’re having a really bad day then jumping into a version of the game where you get to endlessly slaughter enemies that are easy to kill is really cathartic. I’m not sure whether it’s a gamer thing or not, but I do know from speaking to other people who love the series that they feel the same way. Shooting the limbs off of a zombie is just so soothing… That doesn’t make me a psychopath, right?

Also, quick shout out to the wonderfully weird spin-off Typing of The Dead.

However, I must admit that the thing that I love the most about the game is also the thing that makes me the most sad - it’s the ultimate arcade game. Even the versions that were available on other consoles typically had an arcade mode where you could play the same way you would as if you were in the middle of a bustling sea of kids, shovelling coins into noisy machines. Being able to play an arcade version of a game is something that’s sorely missing from the modern titles. 

Also, also. quick [whatever the opposite of a shout out is] to the terrible House of The Dead movie, which we most certainly do not recommend.

The House Of The Dead is a great console game, an even better arcade game, and a fun game to play alone or with friends! It’s perfect if you want to get into the seasonal spooky spirit but don’t want to have to sleep with the lights on.